Fanfiction: Esmerelda

One day, Ponytail and Beardy visited Mishki’s history class. They managed to sneak past the hawk-like gaze of Mishki’s fat history teacher by locking Mishki in a cupboard and stealing her shoes and exciting new sherpa hat. Beardy wore the shoes and Ponytail put on the hat1, which was enough to convince the fat history teacher that they were Mishki, as long as they didn’t stand too far apart. The class was doing oral presentations at the time, so everyone was very bored.

They listened to a presentation on the Tiananmen Square massacre, and another on the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. Beardy was deeply interested in the presentations, being under the impression that they were about dancing mountain orcs, until he realised that he was hallucinating, and really shouldn’t have swallowed that little piece of paper with a smiley face on it that some kid in the corridor had given him. Ponytail, on the other hand, enjoyed the lesson immensely, having fallen asleep on Beardy’s shoulder in the first five minutes. Man, did he need that snooze.

After the lesson, Beardy woke Ponytail up, and they ran screaming from the room, for no particular reason. Ponytail then threw buckets of water at Beardy until he stopped referring to Ponytail as “Mama Vee.”
After that, they let Mishki out of the cupboard and returned her possessions, then caught a plane back to Lithuania. It wasn't until they were flying over Belarus that Ponytail realised that it was slightly odd that Mishki had never attempted to capture him, put him in a cage and make him perform Gregorian chant for her. He commissioned Fat Bald Dancing Man With Glasses to investigate (Fat Bald Dancing Man With Glasses was paid nine postage stamps and a new pair of pants). A week later, they discovered that Mishki had been kidnapped by the Moldavian2 entry and replaced by an automaton. Erin should have known; the real Mishki would never have got herself in for this shit.

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1: If you saw the hat, you’d understand just what gratuitous fan-service this is.

2: They didn’t appreciate her public statement that the only real (see footnote 3) word in their song that rhymed with anything else was “choko,” and that’s a vegetable. Nor did they like her comment that if you’re going to get changed that many times on stage into increasingly non-existent outfits, you may as well just take all your clothes off and give people a damn good reason to change the channel for the next three minutes.

3: The author is opposed to the international recognition of Spanish as a real language, and feels it’s pretty cheap to mix rhymes between languages. Except when LT United do it. That’s fine.